same old story again

2012-01-31T17:51:00.001+08:00

attitudes, will discuss about this matter soon xo

2012-01-29T00:24:00.003+08:00

hello,

people think when i put my blog url on twitter or facebook, i trying to find followers. but no, im not asking people to follow. i just want you guys to read what ive been going through. so you can learn or something. so you wont do the same mistake like i did.

i may not be perfect, but i try. i try to get close to God. cause its the only thing that matter

2012-01-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

i can say that im getting stronger day by day. actually i was really mad last night, and i wrote you a hate letter. soon, im gonna give you back your stuff. but i dont know when is the right time to do that.

so how are you guys? any problems you would like to share?

2012-01-22T23:49:00.002+08:00

this might be my last post to you. i hope this will be the last.

my almost a year more than friend relationship with you was amazing. you treated me so nice. treated me like a princess. you came into my life giving so much hope in me. making me fall in love again.

i will never going to hate you. im not gonna bitch about you. because i appreciate having you in my life that time. until now i still thank God for giving me a chance to meet someone like you. and it is not me to regret what i did. its also not me hating people that was once so special, unique and different

and for that amazing year, i thank you my dear. i thank you for giving me your time. for taking good care of me. for always worrying about me. for always respecting me. for never stop believing in me. for loving me that one year

although all these while, i cried thinking it was all my fault. always asking myself, why was it so easy for him to move on and forget? then to know it was actually you all along that found someone else, actually broke my heart. it broke me so hard, i dont think i can ever face you. but somehow i thank you for ending it now rather than later.

so mohd hussien shahir, you wanted to know why i didnt post your name. because when people google your name, my blog will appear. so if you read this one day, maybe because you google your name. and if you never read this, i wish you the best. i wish you a happy life ahead. i wish that new girl will never feel what i felt.

because what you did was actually really mean. and i.. hmm. thank you very much for the love you have given me. i will cherish it forever. just know that you will be missed. goodbye

2012-01-19T17:38:00.004+08:00

how am i right now? how am i feeling? am i ok now? do i cry every day like i used to? questions, questions, running through my mind. i thought i was strong, i really did. i thought i could go through it, i thought he was some random guy i met.. i thought this feeling could fade. but it didnt. and it wont. truth is, i never tried. cause i cant bare the pain. i cant give up. i cant.

you made your decision. i haven't made mine. you are now happy, but im not. you are now free, but im still stuck in the past. you changed and move on, but i am still here, waiting and not moving an inch

2012-01-08T11:37:00.002+08:00

hello,

well its me again. im moving on. and im not hoping for anything. i am learning. i might breakdown and cry along the way. but thats just life. maybe i text you everysingle day asking you about your day.

well maybe sometimes you dont reply. but its okay. i am trying to be happy. im finding my happiness. i will,

but then i get sad.. cause i cant stop loving you. but its ok.

2012-01-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

promises are meant to be broken

hs 12

2012-01-04T21:36:00.003+08:00

hello,

it has been 26 days since you left. i am left speechless and heartbroken. im not sure whether you feel happy with us being like this or you are actually sad too.. i dont know whats my condition now.. maybe its hard for me to describe

its like sometimes im happy, then im sad. i sit on my bed, then few drop of tears will fall.. i dont know how much longer this will be going on. my sister said to me, try harder if you dont want to lose him..

but i dont know how to.. i broke your heart, you broke mine. yeay! i hate love now.. fml

2012-01-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

bismillah.

tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia, untuk terima ku seadanya, kerna ku tak sanggup, kerna tak mampu hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku.

so my wish came true even though it was a lil late. so i spent my new year crying non stop at night. till my eyes were swollen i cant even open it for awhile.

maybe im giving up now.. its true what my sister said. if you loved me, you wouldnt have left.. hmm. you were so special to me. i never thought i would lose you this fast, this easy, this way.

maybe someday you'll love me back. maybe not.. but its okay. i already accept the fact, redha. everything happens for a reason. im closer to Allah now. i love Him very much.

i might meet someone along the way

hs 10

2012-01-01T00:07:00.003+08:00

hello,

it is exactly 12.07am 2012 now. before the clock strike 12.. i wished to end 2011 with a text from you. or a call. or something.. bu sadly, 2011 ended so horrible. im not home with my family, i lost someone i love so dearly.

so im actually leaving 2011.. leaving my dreams. leaving everything that i had wished for.. i hope you are fine without me.. i hope we'll get to see each other in the future someday. insyaAllah.

i love you and goodluck with your studies.

hs 9

2011-12-29T21:59:00.003+08:00

so, ive been listening to the song "berhenti berharap". the words are so meaningful. the song says to stop hoping.. now, i really should stop right? shouldve stop long time ago.. but the heart keep saying, " i cant!"

i love him so much to let him go.. yes, i might look happy already. but im not. i am not happy. i keep waiting for a call. or a text from you.. but im only hoping.. hoping for the impossible. hoping for something thats not going to happen..

what going on here.. from a stranger, to someone really important.. then a stranger back. how am i suppose to go home, and forget everything we've been through.. just the thought of home make me miss you even more..

from the time we met, to our very first date.. everything was the first with you. you were the first to give me flowers.. how am i suppose to forgett??!! i miss you.. and i hate this feeling. i really hate it. its killing me inside bit by bit..

i hate that i love you. i hate it. i hate it. why is this happening to me.. why cant you love me anymore. why do you have to leave me. why u change your mind. why why why... i dont understand..

maybe this is the end.. maybe this is a beginning. i love you today. thought you should know. even if you dont care about me anymore. even if you dont read my blog. its okay. hmm.. bye

hs 8

2011-12-26T11:38:00.002+08:00

sorry for being away for a few days. went to an island with my friends, to clear of my mind. though i was happy there, but when i was sitting by the beach alone. few drops of tears fell. it hit me real hard, i just got to start move on. thought its hard and i dont know how. i should try.

but everything i do, i remember you. it is just too hard. and i cant handle it. i dont know what to say anymore. i just feel that my life is empty. everything is not right. i thought i could leave my problems there at the island, but i cant.

thought i could smile forever. but it lasted only for awhile. i wanted to text you, to know how are you doing.. but my friends told me not to.. you need space.. you need time.. you dont want me anymore.. im not good enough..

hmm.. thats all for now.. i miss you

2011-12-21T13:41:00.001+08:00

crying myself to sleep eveynight because i miss you.

hs 7

2011-12-21T13:19:00.004+08:00

tell me what should i feel right now? when the one you love so much, leave you. because maybe he cant take it anymore. just because of my mistake. which i said when im mad.

to tell you the truth. i am certainly not strong. i am. i understand perfectly what you said last night. if you are happy like this, there is nothing i can do about it. hmm.

mohd hussien shahir, this is not the last. this is not the end. i will not give up on you till you say u hate me. because i cant move on. i cant hate you like u told me to. cause i just love u. too much.

maybe i didnt realize my love for you till you left me. but is it too late.. why are u giving up. why cant u give me another chance? give us another try. i miss you. i miss you so much. im afraid of losing you. i dont want to lose you. i dont want to see u with someone else.

keep reading my blog please. maybe this is the only way i can talk to you.. maybe there is still hope. i cant stop crying. i have no mood at all. even in the lecture hall, i cried a little. im speechless. im torn.

i know i broke your heart with what i said, i know you are sad. and i know i deserve this. so we're even now. please dont change your mind.. please dont leave me.. please dont go.. please stay. if im there, i'll beg you. hmm, but here i am, being a coward.

coward for not wanting to go home. to even bump into you.. i am really broken. but still, i keep falling for you more. i hate my life. i really do.. maybe few more years ill be fine. i just need to get the hell outta here, from this country. to give u space.

please remember, i still love you. always will. never stop. im sorry. im sorry for everything. karma is really hitting me back. yes, its true what they say. karma's a bitch

hs 6

2011-12-19T18:55:00.004+08:00

how do i move on? when everything that i do, ill remember u. i remember our memories. when i eat, i think of u. when i doodle, its your initial written. without me realizing.

now, without u around. everytime i walk, i look down. im not strong enough to go through my day without you. even its been more than a week. i cant stop myself from crying. every single day.

you can look me in the eyes and know that im so broken. i dont even care now that i cry infront of my roommates. they cant even do anything about it. because its you that i want to make me smile, and its u that i cant have.

its been too long already. please come back.. i love you

hs 5

2011-12-18T20:51:00.002+08:00

i feel like giving up. i feel like there is no use for me to be like this. but i love you. but i dont know how to fight for you. im scared that u hate me.

i scared to wake up in the morning. im scared that u are not around. im scared that you are not with me anymore.

mohd hussien shahir, you. you are making me crazier each day. eventho u left me, everyday i still keep on falling and falling for you. well its hard for me. i love you. goodnight

hs 4

2011-12-18T12:05:00.003+08:00

hello,

its me again. i am trying not to cry anymore. its getting pretty hard for me each day. everyday i dont feel like waking up. i dont feel like doing anymore. i cant believe i am still doing this. writing to you eventho you wouldnt read.

hs, i really want u to be happy. i really want u to succeed in life. i want u to have an amazing life. find an amazing girl who treats u well. as for me, im giving up in love. im giving up in life. i give up in everything i once believed.

im stress with everything. and then i end up getting stomah pain. chest pain. thanks to you. but then i never blame u. i blame myself for falling to deep. i blame myself. im sorry u met me. im sorry. i am, really.

i love you today. i love you yesterday. i love you tomorrow. i love you everyday. hope you'll have a wonderful day!

hs 3

2011-12-17T10:41:00.002+08:00

hello,

i woke up in the morning, knowing that there'll be no text from you. really upsets me. i dont know who talk to. so i woke up, and ended up opening the laptop. wishing that you still read this.

i dont know the meaning of love anymore. i dont know the meaning of happiness. i cant be happy anymore. i just want you to love me back like u always did. but then you moved on. and im still stuck here. wishing the best for you.

i cant go on like this.. i feel that every part of my body broke to pieces already. i need you today. i need your advice. i need your voice. but what i need usually i cant have. im sorry. have a goodday

hs 2

2011-12-16T22:16:00.002+08:00

dear you,

i'll continue to write to you no matter what. truth is, i love you. i love you too much. i cant believe that what we used to be, ended. ended not so well. i miss you, i really really miss you. when are you coming back to me?

i dont know what to do anymore.. i have so much stuff to tell you. i miss telling you everything. i miss how we always say "i love you". i miss you. i miss everything about you. and i really cant move on. and i really cant be happy.

i talk to my friends. but somehow they just dont understand what im feeling.. they say give you time. they say move on. they say be strong. i cant be strong. i dont want to be strong. i dont want. please tell me this isnt real..

i dont feel like going home already. cause if i go home, i want to see you. and ill get more upset knowing you're not there for me anymore. i just want to go far away from here. i cant stand it here. i cant stand you hating me.

im sorry im not perfect. im sorry i make mistakes. im sorry i broke your heart. i hope you still read my blog. cause most of this post will be for you. cause i dont know what other way to talk to you.

im still listening to your voice that you recorded. i kept answering your questions. i know im being scary. i know youll hate me more. im sorry. i just hope you dont hate me. dont hate me cause i cant let go.

i am no longer happy. but i hope you are. cause i love to see you smile. even if youre smiling because of a girl. i am still happy for you. and i will be proud of you no matter what.

hs 1

2011-12-15T20:42:00.002+08:00

its been almost a week now. i have no idea what im feeling now. i am extremely sad. i know i hurt u badly. why are you hurting me back? i am tired. i am so so tired.

i am tired of crying. you say i should stop crying. but how? tell me how can i stop crying? my life is so fucked. i feel so numb. i feel like screaming.

i want you back. i want you right now. i need you. i need you so much.

are you okay?

2011-12-13T21:00:00.003+08:00

bismillah.

so here am i again. in front of this old computer at my college library. i went out of my room to the cafe, hoping to find something to eat other than rice, but everything was rice... so i walked and walked. wanting to go to the market but ended up stopping here.

my mind is loosing it. i feel like crying when each letter i type. i dont know anymore. i am at my lowest point in life. i am at the edge of going through depression. everyday i smile, but then i end up on my bed crying.

i dont feel like i have a purpose in my life. i just got my first semester result, it was excellent. but why am i not happy now? why everything is ruined. why me? why i have to suffer.

i may not be the girl of your dream. i know i havent treat you well. but how could you? how could you do this to me? you like seeing me like this dont you. well congratulations.

everyone keep asking me "are you okay?" and the truth is im not. i am really not okay. i am in a mess. everything i do turns out wrong. everyone hates me. and then you went away, leaving me alone.

its been four days since we last talked. and i miss you a lot. i have a bunch of letters to post to you, but then everytime i want it send it, i change my mind. are you worth my tears every night?

i love you. i just thought you should know that. since you said i dont understand the meaning of love. so if i dont love you, why am i crying? why just by hearing your name can make me sad. why just by the thought of you..

so here i am, hoping one day you read this and realized that i love you. and forever will. thank you my dear, thank you for the memories.

sadd post

2011-11-19T22:55:00.004+08:00

i miss my high school life. where i can see my friends every day without making an appoinment. where we can have breakfast together during recess. we can talk for hours and hours in class without getting bored. we even sometimes see each other for lunch and tuitions. i have spend my entire high school life with them.

so after finishing school, we start to drift apart. each and every one of them study so far away. how do we even meet up? we have to call em up, asking if they are free. usually they're not. mostly with their new group of friends and boyfriend.

just wanna let you all know that, i miss you girls.

n

2011-11-15T00:50:00.002+08:00

the one i love is not actually the one for me. when you love someone, and that someone loves you back. but you just know that he'll never be your soulmate. cause he belong with someone else. someone way better? someone that others approve maybe?

how do i deal with this situation? well i dont. and i dont know how. i cant even think of a way to tackle this situation. maybe i should not think of it? but it will haunt me forever. sooo hmm

i just go with the flow. see whats best for me. if he wants to leave, i'll let him go. if he dont, then stay. cause i dont know. i dont know what to feel anymore. you are like avoiding me. and yeah we do go on a date. but mm.

i just want him to know, that i love him.

attitude

2011-11-06T20:05:00.002+08:00

when everything starts to go wrong, i just cant wait to go back to college. cause there, even though people talk bad about someone. i can still run away from it. i can sit in my room, lock the door and be on the phone with him all night long.

whereas here, where my home is. sometimes i dont feel comfortable. i'll get judge for everything i say, i do, or i want. cause.. i dont know. im just not the same anymore. there's only God in my mind. i kept thinking what if i die here. what if and what if

today i cried. cause everything just turns out wrong. i even slapped myself for crying. what for wasting all these tears. i dont know. you guys understand? when sometimes you just couldnt get along with your family.

then you look for someone else. but then you cant find em. cause his busy. cause maybe, he forgot.

2011-10-25T11:09:00.002+08:00

read my old post. about me missing the old me. then i realized, what happened to the real me? the me that never cares about what others say. the me that will never fall deeply inlove for a guy. the me that do whatever she think is right.

what actually happened to me? now i feel like im always trying to fit it. trying to be around people that actually never care about me.

life is indeed a challage

2011-10-25T10:45:00.002+08:00

sitting alone in the library. waiting for moi man to show up. nah just kidding. i have lots and lots of things on my mind. but i just cant tell it all at once. final exam in few days time. and i am still sleeping early and waking up late.

buckle up.

jealousy

2011-10-25T10:31:00.002+08:00

hello,

have you guys ever wonder where this feeling come from? the jealousy. when you see the one you love talking, even worse, commenting with some girl. or maybe their bestfriend which is a girl. so how do you deal with this kind of situation.

i for once, dont know how to. one of my bestfriend told me to let it go and to not think about it. but if you are in position, you would know. the feeling. i feel like what have i got myself into? i cant compete with this kind of people, surely i'll lose. bagai langit dan bumi

because it is. two people living in two different world. how can they meet and dont care about what others say? i am just a simple girl, wears hijab with no pin, jeans, tshirt kind of girl. whereas him, always the smart one.

so how should i not care? it keeps bugging me. i dont think i belong in his world. but i do, i seriously do love him. 1 night not talking on the phone with him feels.. ahh.

this is serious matter. i got to find a solution.

word

2011-10-20T13:38:00.001+08:00

truth be told!
you can never have everything you want.
you can never not have to go through stuff that you don't want to happen.

http://nefertaridhameera.blogspot.com/

that is just life. stuff that you dont want to happen will be the stuff that keeps bothering you every day. and we take it as a challenge. cause we only live once. live life to the fullest.

hmm

2011-10-20T13:33:00.002+08:00

so government, will you do something about these kind of teachers? they act like they know everything, and wont let us have a say. they are nice with some students but treat the others like strangers.

cause student like me. we dont talk very well. we cant really speak up. we dont compete for sports or anything. so what other options are we left with?

be stress with studies and sit in the dorm like some lunatic?

girl please

2011-10-20T13:19:00.002+08:00

it really is weird. i mean here at my college. the teachers the students. its like they havent seen the real world outside. or it is just me living in my own world? seriously. please. i have a brain too so i quite understand and i do have a say in something.

firstly, the teachers here. i dont know what to say about them. some are quite nice while the other are just being a bitch. for instance, today. what happened. the teacher came into class and said "betulkan tudung" i mean like seriously? do u even have to embarrass me in front of the people.

come on la. this happened twice to me already. you drop your bottle, and when i helped u pick it up, u can say "terkejut tengok tudung" come on la. even my mom dont say anything, then you have the rights to? girl please.

it will only gives me motivation. come on. ive been through this situation for God knows how many times. its like when people see me they immediately think that im a bad girl. just because i dont dress well. my scarf is not properly worn

to me, i want to be successful, not just for my future. not for my family. but for people. that look down on me all these years. thinking that i cant achieve want i want. people, with their thoughts. thinking i cant. but i will.

i just want to show to everyone. i want to get good grades. to show people that even someone like me can go on stage. i would love to see the look from teachers. from friends. that once had that terrible thoughts. cause me and time, we dont give a shit.

i live my life how i want it. you and you and you can go do what you love to do. to bring people down.

friends

2011-10-14T20:38:00.002+08:00

hello,

its pretty much upsetting when you cant get along with your friends, your classmates. even worse, your roommate. the group of people that you'll be living with for a year or maybe more. what can you do? if you cant get along with em all?

i may not know about what it feels like. but ive been through a lot. meeting a lot of good friends. friends worth keeping and some you can just push em all away. so here i am at my college looking for a person that fits the criteria. HAHA.

so i seriously cannot CANNOT get along with my classmates. im not great at speaking english but atleast i have some basics. but here they are being typical malays, when i correct them, theyll give me the look. ok fine, ill just keep it to myself then. its your lost.

and then my other friends. i just dont understand them sometimes. seriously? this "captain bola", football captain slap a girl in the face and all of my friends agrees with. some even said "she deserved it" ohmyGod people!!!! the worst part was he hit her because she hit him at the neck. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

even if that girl is a bitch or a whore or whatever, it gives him NO bloody right to slap her. fuck him. ok now im pissed eventho this story is like 2 months ago. HAHAH. i feel so outdated. so what say you? does a guy have the right to hit a girl if she hits him?

fuck the people. what is happening to the world?!

2011-10-08T18:36:00.001+08:00

when you are in a messed up situation, what do you do? final is less than a month.. goodbye internet world..

talking to you

2011-10-08T18:26:00.002+08:00

hello,

i understand my feeling towards you now. and its love. it definitely is. i dont care if my uncle knows. they can say whatever they like. cause they dont know me like you do. i can be really scared sometimes. but who cares.

they can say that "izzati ni menggatal jugak kan" what-ever. the truth is, is not they who accompany me at night when i couldn't sleep. when i was scared. when i was bored. when i was so stress with my studies. it was you all along.

i know i might not be the girl of your dream. i still talk to my ex. i dont want to be in a relationship. i dont want to have commitment. but you still stick around. like you always do. the little things. the big things. will always be remembered.

i may not be the girl that tells the whole world how amazing and wonderful and awesome you are. but you are really. any girl would be lucky to have someone like you. but now im the lucky one.

yes i love him. but no i dont hold hands with him. no i dont hug him. cause love is not about that. love is when you care for that person. not to be someone you kiss? you can kiss your husband, not your boyfriend..

a lil piece of advice

2011-10-07T21:06:00.004+08:00

hello,

i thought this world is just a world. ive always wanted a better life. a better face. a better body. a better person. a better brain. better in everything. i have always look down on myself. i always think that im no good, what the point of me living. whats the point of me studying cause im dumb. whats the point of everything im doing now.

last week on friday, it woke me up. i live for God. i do everything that im doing for God. i pray for God, i study for God. us humans, we forgot the main reason we live. we forgot that we will eventually die. and whats left of us? nothing. at the end, only God do we look for, we seek for. to forgive our sins.

i know im being so religious, but its true. not because i just started wearing hijab that im like this. its because last week on friday, a girl from my college passed away. she was only 18. my age. taking the same course as i am. studying at the same college. being far away from home.

it could have been me? it could have been anybody. i forgot that death is a real matter. maybe God gonna take my life now, or tomorrow or when im old, i dont know. what i know is i have to be prepared. it makes me real sad talking about this.

that girl suffered from her sickness for a month and all the doctors cant detect her sickness. before this, she never had any serious sickness. she suffered so much. but i was touched when God took her life on Friday, a special day. and all the students here prayed for her when her body arrived to the college to prayed.

i thank Allah for everything i have now. i just want to remind you guys that please never leave your prayers. cause thinking about Allah, praying to Him, is the nicest feeling in the world. you feel calm, you feel happy. you feel that someone actually listen.

do you think about death?

ours

2011-08-22T00:14:00.001+08:00

i love you

i hope you understand me by now

2011-08-22T00:01:00.003+08:00

i dont understand my feelings. i know that i love you already. i know i have moved on. but then, after i fall for you, i fell real hard. its like you dont know if im sad or not.

one thing about girls is that we like to compare our current boyfriend with our ex. and mine will know if im sad. and he'll ask me whats wrong. but you? how could you just say goodbye. are you testing me

why cant you just trust me? yes, after i saw the text, i put you on reserve. its like this thing we're having not making any sense. i just dont know what to say. and you keep pressuring me to say something. to prove to you something. i dont know what you want me to prove

you want me to shout out loud that i love you? you want me to hold your hand when you walk? you want me to be with you 24hours. well, you shouldve known by now that im not that kind of girl. well anyway, here it goes, the next post will be for you.

i hope you are happy. cause im not.

2011-08-09T09:56:00.001+08:00

im coming home :D

birthday.

2011-08-09T09:42:00.002+08:00

i went back home from perlis to subang on the 8th of july. then on the 9th we celebrated zalia's birthday. at night, my sister said to me, lets go upstairs, i have something to tell you.

so i followed her. then she didnt say anything. saw my cousin taking my camera. then my sister went down. i was so blur. so i went down and said " i thought u have something to tell me?"

there was a cake outside. thought they were cutting the cake for zalia. i ran outside. and my sisters and cousins sang happy birthday for me. hussien was there too. it was such a great surprise. never had one in my life.

he put in so much effort into making it happen. i thank you so much for wasting your time for me. i dont know how to repay you. your kindness. you gifts. im blessed to have you in my life. though it wasnt my birthday yet. i was still touched.

on the 10th july, i went back to perlis from subang via firefly. my birthday is on the 19th july. so on 18th july at night, lazing around at my friends room. around 1130pm i went back to room. i was so sleepy.

at 12 oclock, my roommates drag me to my friends room. i was scared. in her room was all my friends and they sang me happy birthday and there was a cake. i didnt know what to say. i was too speechless.

i have great friends here. i have great friends in subang. i have an awesome family. i thank God for them. i wont forget it. they really made my 18th birthday a great one. 18 is just a number

i still stay young ;)

complicated

2011-08-09T09:08:00.002+08:00

hello world,

had the most saddest day yesterday. my eyes, they were really swollen. i did what i can do best. i cried. i dont know whats wrong. i miss you. i miss us. today was supposed to be special. next month marks our 2 years. is this wrong to blog this way.

he have someone else. i should be happy. i am happy. but i cant forget it. him. us. its been 6months. he was my first. i dont think i can love anyone like i love him. it wont be the same. it will never be the same. i have tried. i really did.

u gave up on me. u didnt try harder. u let me go just like that. you know i dont understand my feelings. u should know that im confused. you should know how i am. but then u let go.

then the new guy is great. he treats me like a princess. why cant i just forget about him? why cant i just let go of everything. why make everything so complicated when its not. when he is happy, when everyone is happy. why ruin everyone's happiness?

there is no use of me babbling away this matter. i was dumb, so im the one who's suffering. i should stop talking bout this. another night crying myself to sleep i guess. hope for a better day. i better life ahead of me.

h

2011-07-22T18:25:00.000+08:00

sedarkan aku

2011-05-17T15:47:00.002+08:00

been wanting to write a lot of stuff her. but now i dont know. i dont know how to express my feeling in words. i know im being blogging about the same thing every time. but thats about it. i have nothing else to talk about. its now still about the same damn thing, my feelings.

i, hmm. wanting to feel the pain. i am now so proud of you. so happy that youre having a great life. well my life is ok. im doing good. but once in a while. you cross my mind. and i dont know what to feel. to miss? to cry? to be sad? to be happy?

i want to pray to Allah so bad now. im having my period. i miss you Allah. i miss telling you everything before i go to sleep. i miss doing solat hajat everyday before bed. thank you for this life. for all the people ive met. forr listening to my prayers

2011-04-11T21:34:00.002+08:00

i usually read all the cute love stories on tumblr. but now i just dont even care about it. i tried opening it so many times. tried reading it. but i cant. my brain wont accept it. i realized i gave up on love already. its been 2 months now. i dont think i will ever feel the same way again about love

cause im done with it. look what im going through now.. never again izzati. dont you forget!

i need

2011-04-11T21:14:00.004+08:00

i am at my lowest point at life. i feel so down every single night. every night. aish. i do get tired of it. but it just wont stop. i just have no idea what to do anymore. every post is about the same bloody thing. wish someone can help..

i need someone to look me in the eyes. hold my face. tell me that everythings ok. that im a strong lady. that im not going to go through this alone. telling me that youre gonna stay right there with me. i need that person badly. that one person. i need someone to say stop crying. dont hear what people have to say.

cause i just cant take it anymore..

its really killing me inside..

but is there such a person? no.

!

2011-04-10T02:30:00.003+08:00

i dont deny the fact that when i read my old post, i cry. cried 2 minutes ago like nobody's business. its a very dumb think to do. i know. i cant help myself. its not like i love you back. its not that feelings came back. its just that, me and my emotions. we are not on good terms.

but i know im not being fair. omg izzati, get a fucking life. you fucking ruin peoples life, and u expect them to like you. fuck you, fuckk you izzati. for being an asshole. thats why people dont like you. cause youre an ass.

cause now my life depends on you. i know i shouldnt. it'll be another mistake. screwing with another life. ahh izzati, you. i just dont have words to describe you. asshole. thats the only thing i have

!!

2011-04-03T00:10:00.002+08:00

i got lost. i forgot the main reason why i dont want to fall for someone. its just that im stupid. im selfish. always think whats best for me. never think about others. sorry that i let everyone down. im sorry to you. yes i do miss you, but then again people tell me to snap out of it. reading our comments, aih. what have i done?

i shouldnt have said that. but hmm. then you came. and i want to see you every single day. i dont think i ever smiled like that before. you walk in, and ill be so happy i dont know why. is that wrong? to be feeling this way. when its still to early, for everything.

hey no one, hehe. im still working at baskin robbins ss15. 31st macam gilo ramai orang. but its great that i learn new things. i met different kind of people with different attitude. some are like so f bad, that u just wanna slap them so much. but hehe. its great to have that experience :)

omg, but i seriously hate my assistant supervisor. such a f asshole i tell you. bully me like f. told the supervisor already. and he said next week takda dah shift with her. please lah, dont lie kay

whats even worst kan, APAHAL KAT FEEDJIT AKU TULIS "obesity is it here?" TU SUMPAH BABI KUAJAAA SANGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! ok bye

its about you two guys

2011-03-18T00:24:00.004+08:00

hell0,

guess now i understand how people breakup. and find someone else.. its not like i plan for these things to happen. it just did. he came, and we totally click. its not like i forget about him, but its just that i moved on. i found someone better i guess.

hmm, i just dont get my feelings anymore. sometimes i think about him. cause we have been through a lot together. should i even take this risk. to start all over again. cause i know he will never do that to me. and he is the only one i trust.

can someone please explain to me. cause i feel so bad. and sometimes i justt.. ahh i dont know. now i feel so happy but then will it last? will there be happy ending. i dont think so.. and right now, i dont even think i believe in love. yes i said it. i dont believe in love now

im just too tired of all these craps. i know im supposed to be happy, yes i am, really. he is an amazing guy. i am the luckiest girl ever. but somehow, i just think im being mean. what if.. what if.. what i usually ask myself

i dont get this feeling often. wanting to see you everyday. its kind of weird, but i like that feeling. mayb its from my previous relationship that make me change my attitude to become someone better. i fall for everytime i see you. which is amazing. and youre amazing. and every moment with you is amazing

xoxo

2011-02-22T13:01:00.000+08:00

Yes, my one year and 5 months with you was pretty amazing. You were the boyfriend every girl dream for. But somehow I forget about the little things. And eventually the feelings keep disappearing. I'm sorry for what I did to you.

I know you'll be awesome without me. Its for the two of us. You know that I will be there for you at any time. You know you can still tell me everything you want. But you must know that my heart no longer belong to you

I don't know what happened to us. To me. To you. Maybe enough is enough. Maybe that's it. A guy like you surely will find someone amazing! But not as amazing as me

I'm sorry I treat you so bad. I'm sorry I never appreciate you. I'm sorry for what I did. If I could, I would change back time. But u know how life is

So now let's make a promise when I'm 30 and I'm single, you can marry me. I love you izwan. You're the best. You make everyday with you feels so special. And I hope when you find a girl, she treats you well. Cause ill surely break her neck if she don't

I love you. And you know it too. So take good care of yourself and protect me! And I know you'll be reading this. We'll see each other at uk okay? Heheeheh. Kbai.

G

2011-02-08T00:07:00.003+08:00

hello,

have not been blogging for such a long time. i just had to blog. i dont know who else to talk to.

i dont know what im feeling now. disappointed? sad maybe. you changed. you were never like this before. what happened? hmm. its just that i cant even talk to you now. i know this will all be my fault in the end.

but its really breaking my heart so much. wanting to talk to you, and hoping for a respond. but i got nothing. maybe im asking too much. maybe im just dreaming. somebody please fuckin pinch me. wake me up from this horrible dream :(

hmppphhh. and that moment on, it hit me real hard. this thing we're in will not go very far. hate to admit it but somehow its true. no matter how hard i try to ignore it

L

2011-01-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

hello,

two days ago, me and my family went to futsal. ramai gila la. cousin semua penuh. then pergi makan at dean bistro. sedap(Y). and then balik. such a nice night. dengan family. sampai 4 5 meja. ok this is so weird. dah tak biasa blog about apa i buat.

now im at mona's house. babysit zalia my sayang. so i wanna blog about people la kan. sekarang ni kan semua asyik fuck rempit this and that. but i think tu cara diorg la kan. like how they text and all. dah cara dia macam tu

i have to admit time dulu memang sumpah benci budak budak tu kan kat sekolah dulu kan, but sekarang cam, they're not that bad. only during text you rasa cam wtf. kalau u meet in person, sebenarnya diorg pon macam kita

habis tu diorg g lumba haram, boyfriend awak g tonggak tonggak sini sana boleh pulak kan? tu la maksud saya. so before nak judge orang, take a good look at yourself. and stop talking about how low that person is, when you are clearly the same.

so go find something better to do la kan dari nak sebok hal budak yg c4k4p mcm gineww. okiess?

i close my eyes and pray

2011-01-20T22:48:00.002+08:00

haiiyaa,

went home from kgns. played ping pong with mona. then she pergi swimming with zalia. then makan then karaoke. was feeling very happy. on my way back home with abah, tengok bulan. i donno, but i felt so happy. i miss telling everything to God in my prayers. i miss crying every night to Allah cause i know He will listen.

He will one day show me the path. somehow after i finish SPM, i got lost. i dont want to be like that. hopefully. so anyway, when i came back home, mak tanya kenapa lambat. so blablabla. told her we went karaoke.

she got pretty mad. she said something like 'buat apa mak hantar kalau nak buat maksiat'. hmm. why???? i thought this jinx ended long time ago. its when im happy, then at the end of the day someone will ruin it so much it became for the best to worst day ever

so i dont know whats the point of me blabbing about this in my blog. its just that i have no one to talk to. i nak boleh sembahyang balik so i can sembahyang hajat, and tell God everything. cause i miss it so much

i love you Allah. although my mom can be on her mood swings all the time. i still thank Allah for her.

m

2011-01-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

hello,

its not like anyone read my blog. so immaaa crap alot. causee im not famous. i dont go hang around every single day. yeah, im a relly boring old wo-man. i mean teenager. haha

so now i will explain why i like my status to be HAHAAHHAHA most of the time. truth is, thats how i express how i feel. macam kalau you bukak facebook human ni kan, pastu u benci dia sangat, rasa cam dia tak sedar diri. rasa cam dia ni sumpah belagak. rasa cam, kkk cukup.

so takkan la nak post kat status. gila takda life kan? gila nak attention. nak jadi attention seeker konon nya kan. so tulis la hahahaha. so status tu kkira nya khas untuk human tu. menunjuk kan i tengah gelak kan dia. but i tak bitch about her.

im so nice la. HAHAHAHHAHA. k ciao

2011-01-13T22:08:00.002+08:00

hello,

im crying reading my older post. mak was mad at me just now. and umm, i seriously dont know why. so read one particular post. about mak going to beijing and i cried so much.

it hit me. real hard. i love you mom. i love u so much. i dont mind u get mad at me for no reason. i love you

2011-01-12T16:52:00.002+08:00

i should stop bitching about myself, yes. i'll do that. or ill try. hmph.

hmm

2011-01-12T16:11:00.003+08:00

hello,

thw worst day ever. now im not confident with life after finishing school. i just cant think anymore. i just dont know what to do with my life after this. my mom ask me to apply for business . but i dont want that. hmmm.

i just.. ergh. i want to back to school. u only need to worry about your homework and exams. now after school, im like so 'buntu'. i dont know what i want to do. this is too depressing. no one can even cheer me up. blerghhh. im upset

wanna know what happened? i failed my undang undang. its not even undang undang. i didnt even get there. i fail ujian mata. and now i have to go klinik kerajaan to check my eyes. hmm. am i stupid or what? does that usually happens to people?

i am such an embarrassment. hmm. i should go to sleep now. not like i have anything better to do. hmmphhh. u never gonna be successful like this, izzati. fuck you

2011-01-07T00:46:00.003+08:00

hello,

i have no idea whats going on between me and *. its like we're not on the same track anymore. believe me, i have tried. but i feel that you keep pushing me away. i dont know. i dont know how to talk to you anymore. i know i have not been the best, so deep down i understand how you feel. i would do the same thing if i were you. but im sad. and i have no right to be

today i had so much fun riding bicycle with friends. though my knee is fucking killing me right now. and my butt hurts like hell. erghh. but it was a great way to spend your time with your friend. rather than going to shopping malls. ohh, we went to bukit cerakah, shah alam!

am going langkawi tomorrow. will update soon

2011-01-05T16:36:00.002+08:00

hello,

this year am going to be 18. i have gone through a lot in life. im always gonna be that girl that everyone pushes away. i dont get it. is it me being too anti social. am i not good enough to have friends. seriously, someone answer me.

i still remember in primary this girl had a slumber party. her mom ask her to invite 10 person. guess what? im the lucky 11. sorry izzati. guess your not good enough to be with us. secondary school, a girl whom i know forgot to invite me to her party. you see me everyday. bullshit

ahh, i should not remember these. terrible things. i got to change myself. somehow, i find that im only close to my family. i tell them everything. i remember crying myself to sleep every night during my primary years

i dont know. i just have to accept the fact that im not a goodfriend material

Taylor Swift - Last Kiss lyrics

2011-01-04T22:59:00.001+08:00

HATEE

2011-01-04T22:44:00.003+08:00

hello,

today i have been the worst friend ever, the worst girlfriend ever, the worst in everything. only God knows how much i hate today. i cant feel happy for a bit anymore. i'll end up getting sad, getting so messed up. i just.. aih. i dont understand my life anymore

i try to follow what my heart tells me. but i'll end up hurting someone. why am i not good enough. i feel like slapping myself. dont talk i f you dont have nothing good to say. just zip it. fuck u izzati. fuck you for wanting to be perfect!

to tell you the truth, i am so not a great lier. fuck i cant ever spell liar properly just now. if i have done something wrong, i'll tell u straight at your face. bloody hell izzati. erghhhhhhh!!!!!! u feel so insecure for nothing damnit!

2011-01-04T02:39:00.000+08:00

ill update tomorrow ;)

2010

2010-12-31T23:22:00.002+08:00

now its 1123 pm. and im at home. what a way to celebrate new year. haha. was supposed to celebrate it with my dear cousin, but it'll be a lil weird cause you know. haha. and my boyfriend is going somewhere i dont know. what a couple heh?

i dont know how to really explain today. firstly me and mona went to empire. then to kgns. mona konon nya want to exercise. she was inside the gym for 10minutes. hahaha, that was funny. then karaoke. and then mona's iphone masuk air. so pergi pyramid

maxis i tell y0ouu, veli clever. when your iphone kena water sikit, somewhere kat bawah iphone turns red. at pufff, no warranty. brilliant. ergh. i hate maxis now. everytime i call a maxis number, it'll go straight to voice mail. i i'll be charged rm0.30++ sen. tak ke giloo?

when i was at bandung, i permed my hair. is that how you spell it. wooot. i got a new year resolution. im gonna help form5 people with their studies. so who's interested? let moi now.

so i guess that is it. bye 2010. i found myself because of you ;)

lol

2010-12-30T19:45:00.004+08:00

i need someone to talk to right now. im alone at home. and im so fucking sad. like really sad. things havent been so great. it pains me looking at those stuff. i should not tell in details cause im freaking sad about what i just read. i dont know, maybe thats the way its been played.

went to the ceramah thing. untuk amik lesen. it like 5 freaking hours. i dont know how to describe it but well, i saw 2 teachers teaching(there was one). that was how sleepy i was. thank god amirah was there. when we got home, the uncle and i got a lil argument. about religion thinggi. was very funny

as you all know, i went to bandung last week. for 9 days. it was boring yet interesting. and malaysia, congratulation.

j

2010-12-30T01:26:00.002+08:00

its 1.26am blergghh. am so bored like hell. am not talking to izwan. we're having this 'not talking shit' going on. i have no idea what the purpose is what the heck. i gotta win this. why should i start the conv first. is not like im a guy. but yeah, i have no on to talk to

usually i'll be disturbing adib. but he got to me first. and he is at ipoh and theres no internet. so boohoo. i have no one to be annoying to. hahaha. anyways, i sleepy, but i dont wanna sleep. just now was so great. everyone was at me houzee.

blerghhh, i dont know what to talk about. jeeeezz.

2010-12-15T22:33:00.002+08:00

hello,

i love love love stairway to heaven. dah tengok 3 kali, tp tak bosan bosan. but last night, tengok awal awal. then i was so pissed. sebab awal awal kan macam mean and all. so argghh. so tengah fikir should i watch or not. hmmm.

anyways, am going to bandung the day after my ekonomi exam. dad nak pergi with his friends too play golf la. so kita ikut je la. jumpa my brother di sana! yeay. wth. hahahha

sekarang ni rasa macam mana eh. susah nak explain. when you see people pakai so bloody trendy then u look at yourself. that kind of feeling. apa eh? rasa macam tu nowadays. entah la asal. maybe im used to wear tshirt. bukan tshirt lawa ke apa. tp tshirt tempat kerja kakak

isnt that stupidd izzati. you got no sense of style. and you kutuk about people. my God izzati. ok anywayyy, semakin lama duk rumah rasa cam semakin jahat. nak cari problem nya. ahh. whatever la. taaa!

woot

2010-12-12T00:28:00.002+08:00

helllo,

why budak sekarang kebanyakan racist semacam eh? i mean like i know la you guys rich and pandai. but come on la. i just feel like slapping each one of them. we come and support what you guys do. aihh. susah nya ada 1malaysia. if budak 17 tahun cant even accept mix around. God, i hope i wont be like that.

"School's over for me. The fact that I'm done with high school still hasn't hit me fully yet. Seems like it was just yesterday when I learned about square roots. Heck, I still remember the times when I could count my age with my 2 hands. Soon I can't even count my age with my fingers and toes combined."-fatin

true thaat!

said

2010-12-09T18:45:00.000+08:00

Its weird when I think bout it. My boyfriend and I. Lain teramat sangat. Dia suka macam ni, I suka something else. He likes to be lovey and all, but I like to marah marah dia. Yes, at times I hate him like bloody much. But somehow, he is just too nice to let go. And at the end of the day, I perasan yang I pon suka dia.

Ok enough of that stuff. Another thing I nak cakap. I like seeing teenagers pergi sembahyang. I don't know. I rasa cam happy. Rasa nk pergi buat kawan. Yeah I sound like a mom, but entah la. Rasa sejuuukk sangat hati tengok macam tu. You see them berkawan berboyfriend. But diorg still remember God.

I guess that's for now. See you soon.

2010-11-11T23:13:00.002+08:00

haaaai,

am now studying at kgns library. its so cool cause when i get bored studying, i can go karaoke or snooker. haha. thats better than mcd. teehee.

emmmemmm, k lah. few more days left. goodluck to everybodddy!!!

2010-10-31T13:23:00.001+08:00

ahh, wannaa bloggg shoo much, but i dont have time. i have to go kancil at 2. i have to pray. i have to get ready. ahh. this is likeee.. arghhh. ohh and i deactivate my faccebook account! ahhhhhhhh

Alhamdulillah

2010-10-17T23:12:00.002+08:00

hai,

im very happy that my results are great. i cant wait to make my family proud. mak wanna buy me blackberry. haha. weird kan. nyways, been really lazy nowadays. went to kancil's crash course. was ok ok. came home damn tired.

i think i have found my passion. i actually love teaching. you can laugh all you want but its true. though im not quite good at it. at least i can help people. when i teach, i get smarter. tomorrow musyir's coming to study math. hihi

thank you Allah for giving me everything. for making me happy everyday. to let me have a clean heart. thank you Allah. thank you so much for this life you have given me. for this heart. for this family. i love you so much Allah.

i fell blessed. i feel good. i feel loved. thank you Allah again. i love you

HELLLOOO!

2010-10-11T23:53:00.003+08:00

ahh,

finally! have so much to talk about. hmm. like what eh? trials.. ahh. so freaking susah. just now ada accounts. mashaAllah.

so, let talk about this person. no no, change person la. the other person punya friend. get it? anyways, i dont like you. i try my very best to have this 'haha face' but i think its not working eh? you and you dilemma. my God. get a life.

and dnt tell me back to get a life, because i dont. hehe. i dont know la. its so bercelaru. this friend that friend. sometimes i feel that izwan is my only friend. he is always there. everytime. when im like so stress out with everything.

ill write more. i just dont know how to express my self now. maybe confused. ahh God, im not ready for spm. help me. ohh ohh ohh, malaysia dah 7golds! congratsss! lovee you malaysiaa!

maybe this post is just for me to understand i think. hehe. tata!

2010-09-15T00:10:00.002+08:00

hello,

im at my bro's room. just got back yesterday and my aircond is giving me problem. what is wrong with you. i am so tired. i really wanna sleep. but i just cant. its not cold. ergh. zalia is coming home. miss you baby boo

need to study, will update soon k. mwah

mind

2010-09-08T01:59:00.004+08:00

hai,

i get so jealous for no reason. when people likes to sosial. go out. have fun. couple. i know i know its like so weird. but i dont knw. aihh. but then i dont mind

because my relationship is going well. my sosial life, well, i dont even care. i dont care if i have less friend than you. tons of facebook friends. but then you'll be like talking crap about them. your boyfriend picture here and there.

i dont knw where im going at. hahaha. i just need to let that out. sometimes i get jealous, but then ill snap out of it. because i think i already change a lot. i do alot of things for God. this girl you see is actually fake. trying to fit in i guess

if you have not heard, some bloody ass broke into my house. took everything. mak admit that she cried everytime se thinks about it. not only they took everything, they make our house such a mess. i really thanked God that i was not at home alone.

but my family and i take this macam dugaan. maybe God wants to give us something better in life. i really hope the pencuri burn in hell. but i dnt have to hope, they surely will.

selamat hari raya. xo

hai!

2010-08-24T22:41:00.003+08:00

helo hello heeelllo,

its been so long since i blog. havent got the chance to use the laptop since its always in my bro's room. so yeah. what happen to me? hmm, well let see..

firstly, been going to mosque every night for solat taraweh. then after i do solat hajat. things have been going well and great for me in this month. God have showed me to a great path. He gave answers to my prayer. thank you Allah.

i have been wanting to blog about one issue for a very long time. its about politic. i hear people talking bad about the government. how they never do their job and so on. from what i see, we live in a peaceful and rich country. what more can we ask? the government have given us quite a lot. so we should not always commenting them.

do you know that alot of arsenal players are muslim. diaby, nasri, chamakh, sagna. wow, very impressive kannn. now, i should go back to my books. they're calling me. especially addmath. AHHA

2010-08-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

ill be back after trials. hav so much to talk about. xox

2010-08-04T17:38:00.002+08:00

hello

mak is back home. zalia too. they went to melbourne, australia. they said all the stuff there is very expensive. but mona bought a a sleeveless and perfume. mak bought me shirt and purse. thankss!

what i said from my previous post, about me changing. i can say that im changing bit by bit. im starting to not talk if i have nothing good to say. but i just cant stop teasing people. maybe they wouldnt understand, but i find it very funny.

i am so scared for my spm. its so hard when your family expect so much from you. the way they talk about my spm, its like i already score straight a's. aih. life. but i will not stop fighting. i wanna go study london!

thats all i guess. have a great week!

2010-08-02T23:41:00.002+08:00

hello,

i dont understand girls. i seriously dont. that includes me btw. all we do is gossip. talking about this guy that guy. hate this girl hate that girl. ugly people. but who are we to judge others. maybe they dont realize what they did. but that is not an excuse for us to talk about them.

im only 17. and im still learning. what i know is that im the type who will judge a person easily. if i dont like you, ill show it to your face. im rude. i cant keep a secret. everyone hate me, i know. but i dont care? i cant keep a friend for a long time. because after few months they'll end up running away

i dont know. i realized today, that i got to change. i need to change my attitude. everything.. im changing bit by bit. although its hard, but i can do it. lets hope my new attitude will work out yeah?

and to him, thank you for everything. i love you. i know sometimes who cant stand me. ill get you mad all the time. im so selfish kan?

im hot and your cold

2010-08-01T01:43:00.003+08:00

hello,

its now 1.43 am. i am so sleepy. but im bored. and lazy to sleep. yes, i know. me is very weird. anyways lets talk about friday

went to a warehouse sale at subang avenue with my sister and her friends. we seriously got fooled. there were clothes that is like.. yeah whatever. then walked around at parade. seriously nothing to do. at night, slept over at zurin's. hihi

today, alya's friend send me to pyramid. hung out with izwan. you know what we did? walk around, then he had to work, so i was like wondering around in the shop. ahh, thank God im a great girlfriend, izwan! mwaha

i see girls get really excited with the worldstage thinggy. and i seriously dont understand. maybe because i have not been to any concert, so wht do i know. but wht i know is that, i would certainly not wait in that fucking long queue just to meet some human singing. haha

i am home alone. again. yeay

22 november

2010-07-28T20:59:00.001+08:00

hello,

me again. sorry for the post before. was so damn short. haha. i was so bored. did addmath. am very hungry now. googled about spm. hate it that tasawwur is on the second day.. spm is on 22nd november.

seriously am very pissed at someone. need to have a talk with my friends. they cant keep doing this. all the time. i had enough. are you like jealous or something. you look so innocent. but fuck you. am not trusting u anymore. thats for sure

its friday and i am not at school. very lazzy to go. now i dont know who to call to go teman me breakfast. yeah. sure is fun!

i can tell the world if i want

2010-07-28T17:51:00.002+08:00

hai,

its so boring being home alone. nothing to do... argh. family is at melbourne. dad is at golf club. yam at work. hate being alone. hate hate hate

:D

2010-07-27T00:37:00.001+08:00

blaah, ill update weekends

under

2010-07-21T00:16:00.003+08:00

hello,

its 12.17 am. i hav school tomorrow. should be sleeping. am using my laptop at my brother's room. my laptop is always at his room now since his back from bandung. but i dont mind. atleast i dont online 24/7. im having a very big exaaammm remember?

as u can see from the previous post, i got ns. juniors who dont know what is ns. its national service. am seriously not going. with too many sickness. gonna ask for a letter from the doctor. congrats to others who are going! hihi

yesterday was my birthday. and i didnt celebrate. same shit every year. asked for an iphone. but my dad says wait till september. so long.. so yeaah

am starting to be really rajin. am studying everyday. from addmath to math to history. everything.. sometimes i feel like giving up, tired with books each day.. but no izzati, u cant give up now!

happy birthday to hafiz ashraf!

K C U F

2010-07-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

oh joy!

2010-07-19T14:03:00.001+08:00

what a great birthday(Y)

miss me?

2010-07-17T20:29:00.006+08:00

hellllloooo!

what a great and weird week. its like so i dont know. so its saturday night and im home alone. yeaay. 8.30 pm and my mommy not home yet. everyone is outttt. greaat(Y)

let me update u on whts been happening this week. didnt go to school on monday. went for a check up. i ada masalah nak bernafas. so yeah. went to check my heart. the ohshit part is when the doctor told me to pull up my shirt and bra. like wtf? so.. i dnt wanna continue this. haha

and on wednesday, went to go see eclipse. with zurin flisa pu3 miez umi zana. but the movie sucks like hell. i seriously dont understand why people love it. i just couldnt stop laughing in the cinema although i was sitting alone beside a guy who i dont know.

friday, me and mommy went back to the hospital to get our blood test. felt really dizzy after the nurse took my blood. kesian mom had to cucuk 4 to 5 times because the he-nurse didnt found the veins or whatever.

just got scolded by mom. she said im not studying. she said by looking on how im studying, i cant even reach 5a's. well then mom, ill just have to prove you wrong once again. ive been studying alot this week. it hurts me when u say like that

u dnt knw how much i try to pleased u. i never go out now because i hate to see the look on your face when i tell u wanna go out. i sacrifice everything for you too. though im not the smartest, well-behaved, atleast im trying. i dont get to see him too.

am tryin to improve my english. se bare with me here.

loo pp

2010-07-10T21:02:00.003+08:00

heeey,

lets talk about me and izwan. we are not together anymore. hate to say that. but are still attach. hmm. whts tht supposed to mean izzati?

yesterday was our 10months anniversary. myy. we've been together for quite a while. gave him cupcakes for his birthday. i knoww. am so lame. who gives boyfriend just cupcakes. ohh wait, his not. fck

am glad that his mom approves me. anyways, made him a lil something. some ideas puteri gave me. but that thing is still with me. because.. yeah you know me. sucker

am such a bad girlfriend. so i end it. its better to be friends. more than friend. haha. anywayss, i got spm to thhink about

izwan understands. he will wait for me. i will wait for him too.ceyy. love uu

OHMAHGAD

2010-07-10T20:41:00.002+08:00

heyy,

ive been reading your blog lately. yeah you. but somehow i cant stop judging you. they way you act so cool. your the gangster. you talk shit you know that? look at yourself la.

ok done. that make me wanna blog. HAHA. so hello. didnt go to school yesterday. called safiah the sleepyhead to bawak me to ewern 's house. wanna go take cupcakes. beribu kali kena call.then hntar rmh izwan. since it was his birthday

after tuition, makan at bistro with izwan. then to tuition again. at night, kena teman my mom pergi a wedding. is was very interesting since i have never been to a all girls wedding. so yeah

its an arab wedding. so we all came in jubah. but then the others who came went straight to the toilet. they totally turned upside down. highheels, mini dress, sexxy. hahha. and they were dancing like madd. all the gelek gelek.

so it was fun. but i just sat there and watch. wht am i supposed to do? people there speaks arabic. i dnt understand i single word. and everyone was so bling bling. haha

ok this is very long. ttyl

yesterday lah

2010-07-10T13:43:00.002+08:00

happy birthday lovee! will update soon kk xx

im back back back

2010-07-05T22:35:00.002+08:00

hai!

ive not been updating right. hihi. nways, life is so great now. before was like hell. fought and fought with izwan, about something stupid. thinking bout it now make me laugh. hahha. lame lame izzati!

yeah, bout wht happened at the Photostat shop. we had a miss communication. wtf? haha. then she didnt want to give me my pan drive because i didnt wanna pay 30 fuckin bucks. tht girl was so freakin stupid. so then i got mad. blabla. in the end, went out, called mak, she came.

mak did her magicc.. AHAHA. in the end, a Chinese girl got pissed so she said ok la dont pay. just go. AHHA. yeay. fucking bitch. mak was mad at me too. cause i was a lil rude at that girl. zurin was there too.

now im wondering why i keep meeting fucking useless bitch nowdays? its like they keep coming. haha. so im learning. learning about life. what ill go through when i get older. so yeaah.

im having a problem now. at first i wanted to buy kendama. then suddenly, i want a pair of heels from some blogshop. soo.. i dont know. izwan told me to buy the heels. but i already told another person im gonna buy the kendama from him

help!

i realize that i get worried for no reason. like my english paper, i taught i did so so so bad, because i forgot to put the explanation. then suddenly my result okk. now im worried for my essay that i wrote at tuition. gilaa. i think i wrote everything sooo sooo wronggg.

so im gonna start studying. will update on fridaaay!

aiyoo

2010-07-02T20:29:00.003+08:00

hai!

i hate this time of the month. i get all the weird feelings. now i think im gonna have fever. its like 830 on friday night

i wanna write more. about wht happened at the photostat shop. later la. xo

2010-06-27T16:55:00.002+08:00

hello,

i think my life is getting boring. i open my blog, to type about something. about anything. but nothing. i dont go out anymore. im just stuck in my room. watch tv, then mom will be angry then i go back to my room.

maybe i should continue learning german. dont make that stupid afs stop you from doing things.

my font is bigger now. since i dont know what to talk about. hold on, ill find some general knowledge to share.

the largest coffee growing country in the world is Brazil
adolf hitler nickname is leh fuhrer which means the king

:o

2010-06-25T20:38:00.004+08:00

hello,

i just ate 3freaking pizza with 3 freaking cili padi. how awesome. hehe. just got back from english tuition. it was okay okay. before that went to science tuition. it was alright

okay ive been telling you about mychonny right. but this month i think nigahiga is better. mychonny talks about disgusting stuffs. at first it was funny, but when he does it all the time, it gets pretty annoying

soo, hmm. afs didnt reply my email. so imma call them on monday. school was okayyy. the performances okay juga. umie sangat cantik. hahaha

tonightt, spain ehh?

(:

2010-06-24T17:49:00.001+08:00

hello,

if the afs are not gonna reply my email, im gonna call them tomorrow. i dont care anymore.

having barbeque tonight.

and i love izwan, hehehe. izwan izwan izwan izwan izwan!

letter i wrote to afs

2010-06-23T19:32:00.001+08:00

hello,

i would like to ask, is the interviewers supposed to be rude? i had my interview already and the two ladies were very rude. i am very surprised. i thought afs is all about fun and experience. and i did not get any of that from my interview

i hope afs will look at this matter because i think its not fair to treat us like this. thanks

f up

2010-06-22T23:10:00.004+08:00

hallo,

just read hazira's blog. cant believe she said the f word. wow hazira, i am pretty much shocked! anyways, i am a lil 'fucked up too'

am dealing with the fact that mak is such a maniac when it comes to me studying. and my results for midyear which were very 'fucked up'! haha. cant believe i can still laugh when my result is that BAD. aish.

i promised myself not to online. wait till the weekends. but since im having my interview for afs tomorrow. and puteri scares the shit out of me. so i think im pretty much dooommmmeddd. haha. no doubts

am tryin to improve my english. cause i know its like soo.. yeahh. hahaha. so like.. hmm. anyways, am studying about germany. i just found out that they give citizens free education. my God. and they are well known for technology and TECHNO. hahaha

so yeah, im sleepy now. tata

2010-06-20T15:01:00.001+08:00

tomorrow? hmm. so not ready. spm? aiyyah

gutten tag

2010-06-18T22:51:00.006+08:00

hallo,

it like 1054pm on friday but i am so tired. i feel like sleeping. but i cant right now. my bed is so messy. full with clothes. just got back from anis and adam 's wedding at shah alam. anis's dress, so OMG gorgeous

now im typing again and its 1251am on saturday. ahh, how time flyyy. so back to the wedding thingy. now im typing my blog at 938 pm. ahh. ive wanted to blog sine yesterday. but everyone kept disturbing.

well its kinda weird but its now 237 on a sunday. haha. its like so funny. i dont even have time to finish up my post. so anyways, wht happened? hmmm..

ohh, on thursday went to kgns with family. karaoke with nadiah for like few hours. glad that nadiah had fun. then to jeram again with them. ate seafood. yummy!

yesterday, walk arounf pyramid with mona and zurin. my feet was so painful. but mona walk like a damn pro. so fast. bump into mieza.. she looks gorgeous! ;)

soo, i wanted to post anis beautiful dress. but am using alya's laptop. so yeah. not a long post i know. this is briefly whts happening in my life yeah.

zalia is sleeping. the others are hikinh somewhere. and im not invited. HAHA

today we learn jerman again. ;)

2010-06-18T16:08:00.002+08:00

numbers

eins is 1 eins is 1 eins is 1 eins is 1(ains)

zwei is 2 zwei is 2 zwei is 2 zwei is 2(svai)

3 is drei 3 is drei 3 is drei 3 is drei(degai)

very good my friend ;)

ufo

2010-06-16T20:34:00.003+08:00

hallo,

mak woke me up this morning. i dont understand her. why she doesnt like her children to wake up late. nways, do the usuals. bangun, lock the door, open pintu tandas, then go back to sleep. ahha. ahh. life yeah ;)

so now im learning zapin for the interview. its like so freaking susah. i feel like swimming. BAHAHHA. im learning jerman too. and malaysia. do you knw that malaysia population ialah 28 million. yeah, tak banyak

so yeah, im waiting for the football match. tak sabar ni. nyways, i hate today. argued alot with you. u told me not to talk about u in my blog. but i have no one else to talk to, so im sorry. if its to public. its not like people i dont know read my blog.

i pon tak paham dengan the tittle. HAHA. xoxo

2010-06-16T01:04:00.000+08:00

babi hott sial kau

2010-06-15T21:37:00.003+08:00

hello,

i just came back from kgns. ate there with my family. before that, i was at mona's house. cause i miss zalia. haha. mona said to stay 5feet away from zalia

im like so full, i feel like puking. i have a question for you guys. can a person be hott from behind? and totally ugly at front? haha. i saw a guy at speedmart, and.. well yeah. haha

okay, so i have been Google-ing about malaysia, and look what i found in this website simontalks.com

top 10 reasons why i love malaysia. but its like so long. so i copy one. hihi

We’re in Malaysia, but we have selipar Jepun, mee Jawa, Bombay toast, Masjid India, Bukit China, Manila card, ayam belanda, mee Siam, sirap Bandung and Colombo Plan.

quickkyy updateyy

2010-06-15T13:15:00.003+08:00

so yeah, i got my letter. the letter that i have been waiting for. the letter that i cried for. such a dumb girl lah you izzati. cry over this. mwahhaha. this will be a great story to tell the interviewers next wednesday. i cant wait! ;)

two days ago, slept over at mona's house. then around 3, went to one utama. to celebrate a one year old kid punya birthday. haha. it was at kidz sport and gym. it was fun. HAHA. felt like a kid again. well i am. later that night, had bbq at granma's house.

will update soon. xo